Exercise Log

I’m around 194 lbs after coming back from Taiwan (8/10/2011). I plan on exercising more and loosing weight. This blog will serve as my medium to record such activity.

8/12/2011 (Fri) – Pilates + 10 minutes of treadmill (<4MPH)

8/14/2011 (Sun) – Yoga at LA Fitness + Arm Machines + 20 minutes of Rowing

8/16/2011 (Tues) – Yoga 4:30PM

8/18/2011 (Thurs) – Yoga 8PM + Arm Machine

8/19/2011 Fri – Waist measurement at naval. Firm fit. 38 inch. around 190+ lbs. I gained 10 lbs from living at home. Let’s see how fast I loose it at school.

8/20/2011 Sat – 15 min treadmill <4MPH + Spa

8/22/2011 Mon – 10-15 min walk around 8PM.

8/27/2011 Sat – 10 min walk

8/28/2011 Sun – 10 min walk

8/29/2011 Mon – 20 min walk plus minitrash

8/30/2011 Tues – 25 min walk

-------------------------------

And bad habit stopped since ..

8/15/2011-8/21/2011 (6 days)

8/24/2011-8/26/2011 (2 days)

8/31/2011-

What I learned from being in a relationship

So Michelle and I broke up. Old news by now, but still many people don’t know…checking Facebook seems like a good checking method. It’s strange how some people don’t put their relationship status up…which means it complicated or ashamed of their girlfriend. I used to be that person. I used to be ashamed of my gf because she wasn’t Asian. Sorry for saying that, but it’s true. I enjoyed being with her very much and made it FB official.

So after the break up, what did I learn?

• It’s much easier to date someone of your own race, but that’s not always possible. You were fated to meet and have that little adventure with each other. In essence,it just happened and went very naturally. However, I don’t plan on dating Hispanic girls just for simplicity, but you never know what fate brings. I didn’t plan on dating a Hispanic before I got together with her and look what happened; I enjoyed it.
• Appreciate and love your girl every moment you are with her. Do something romantic, random flowers, gifts (occasionally and it doesn’t have to be expensive), tell her you love her, compliment her, massages, have adventures, be assertive, take lots of pictures as a memory, give her your 110%. You never know when they could disappear from your life. Live without regrets. Take your time and enjoy being with her.
• Communicate. Make sure you communicate very well. Talk a lot about important things..about you and her. Know her basics (hobbies, music, foods, quirks, study habits, family relationship, etc). Google some relationship questions and talk about those. It will help ensure that you are meant to be together and to ensure communication. You must pay attention to what she says and remember it! Don’t be like me and forgetting what she doesn’t eat. Pay attention to her.
• Hang out with other people. As bf/gf you want to hang out 24/7, but you still need friends and networks. Give each other some space every now and then. And if you break up, it won’t be as bad because you have someone to hang out with instead. Win-win.
• Make her happy (physically, emotionally), especially if they make you happy. It’s a mutual relationship. Keep that in mind. If you don’t know how, ask or research it. Compromise to make her happy.
• Always respect your girl. And don’t make her do things that will hurt her unless it’s for her own good.
• Be confident. Stand up for your girl. Make her feel loved. Introduce her to your family if appropriate. Spoil her, just a little.
• Women always think about the future of the relationship no matter what you say. Be prepared.
• If you do break up and you still want her back, your natural reactions might not be the best way to get her back. Google it before you act might be a better choice.

I’ll add more as they come up.

Also, I’m going to have fun. I’m not going to let monetary conditions to get in my way. I’m young and still in college. Now is the time to have fun before I have to work all day. If it doesn’t effect academics too much, I’ll go.

Frazzled

I think yesterday’s talk with Michelle was good, but what she said via text frazzled me. It gave me hope and it’s making me thing too much. Like last night, I had some trouble sleeping despite crappy temperatures in my room.

8/27/2011 Sat - Ichetucknee Springs in Fortwhite, FL

Today I went to Ichetucknee Spring with the Catholic Gators. Michelle H sent an FB invite for their Blast Off Week Events. I wanted to go, but never said anything to anyone. Then when I was talking to Michelle one day, she said she was going. So I wanted to go to if she was going. I do copy what Michelle does, but it helps encourage me to go out and do interesting things and meet people. Michelle is really nice. She was willing to give me a ride to the church meeting place if I could not get a ride from Michelle H even though MR lived far from where I did. I got Michelle H’s number from Michelle and texted her and got a ride since she lives in the building next to me which is super convenient.

I met some people there, but don’t really remember their names. When people asked what year I was, I said senior, but Michelle always corrected me and said Super-senior. Thanks Michelle –_-. In the church parking lot, they had a prayer with the cross motion over their chest and a little ramble thing that everyone said at the end which was interesting. I did not expect that. I suppose not all Christians are alike. Are Catholics Christians? We rode in Michelle H’s car and her driving is a little crazy like she ran onto a curb when she looked in the back seat person who was talking. That’s a very bad driving habit. I wanted to sit next to Michelle, but I sat next to Nancy S instead. Michelle was the smallest out of us three so she should have sat in the middle.

We got lost getting to the park which was bad. We got tubes at Joe’s which was $5 and they tied it to your car for free. At the park, it was $5 per person…I gave a $20 and got back $10 so…I paid for Michelle because later Nancy paid Michelle’s $9 lunch. You cannot bring anything with you to the river unless you want it to get wet. You take a tram to the river and ride down in about 1.5 hrs. It was fun. The water was really cold. I mainly hung around Michelle, Michelle H and Nancy. Michelle was slightly ignoring me, but not really. Had some physical contact with her. I had fun.

We were done around 1PM and went back to the church. I went with Michelle, Nancy and Jose to Steak n Shake on 13th to get a late lunch around 2PM. Michelle didn’t want her cherry in her shake so she gave it to me and just fed it to me directly from her spoon after I just told her to put it on my plate. We were together before so its not a big deal, but interesting that she was willing to do it in public. After we were done eating, Michelle was cold and shaking. I wanted to put my arms around her, but I didn’t want to be too touchy. I felt kinda bad for her. As we were going to pay, I gave Michelle’s arms a quick rub; hopefully it made her slightly warmer. Then Michelle took me home. It was a fun day. I still like looking at Michelle. She’s cute.

8/26/2011 Friday Talk with Michelle

I have been having nose bleeds lately and it’s quite annoying. I think the air in my Tivoli apartment is a little too dry and with some picking nose bleeds happens. It has bled at school when I was trying to eat and happens when I wash my face. It’s annoying and dries up with little pieces of blood in my nose.

Earlier in the week, I told Michelle I wanted to talk to her about our relationship officially on Friday. After class was over, I tried calling her and she didn’t pick up. So eventually I found her on Google Talk and IMed her. She didn’t feel like talking or coming over to my place, but she eventually came over.

We went to Chop Stic on 13th St for dinner. It was my treat because I promised Michelle Chinese food over summer, but we never did. The place was amazingly interesting. Quite Americanized. We sat outside which had a lakeside view. Michelle wasn’t really hungry so she got Gyoza. I ordered the chicken bento which wasn’t that good and definitely not authentic. We had a good talk there. We talked about our relationship. Apparently during our uP drama in the Fall 2010 semester, Michelle saw that we were not meant to be together and that I was not the one, but she still stayed with me and had fun with me. We did not break up then because she felt it was unfair for me. I appreciated the opportunity to be with her longer because I had a lot of fun being with her. She admitted that she was intentionally being cold and distant towards me for the days that I saw her during the week because she saw it was better for dealing with the breakup.

After dinner, we went to my apartment where I asked her a bunch of questions which she eventually got tired of. Apparently the 2nd time we broke up, she got drunk and went clubbing and started seeing ugly guys as cute and accidently danced with a stranger. She didn’t but up our anniversary poster in her summer apartment because it was all folded up…but I don’t think that’s a really good reason. Both of us think that me seeing Michelle more or letting her see my parents would not have made things much better. We would have eventually broken up sooner or later as her feelings changed.

Michelle acted much normal today then the previous days.

I gave Michelle some Pocky that I bought in Japan as well as some Hi-Chew, a Herbal Essence Coupon and a iTunes GC I got a long time ago. And I presented to her my Thank you letter that shows my appreciation for spending 1.8 years with me and to reflect upon our good memories. I intended on reading it to her, but she decided to read it herself. Apparently, that made Michelle emotional and brought back memories which she didn’t want to think about anymore. We hugged. I got a peck upon request. She wanted to leave right afterwards because she was getting too emotional and to think clearly. She declined BUS. She did not want to get back with me and did not want a bad break up cycle. Even though we are not together, we hope to be friends which will take time to stabilize. She told me not to be so touchy, which I agreed to do only in public. I’ll be a little touchy in private just bc I like some physical contact. We hung out for less than 3 hours. It was a good and needed talk.

I’ll miss her and still think of her occasionally, but I’m glad that I’m not mopping over her.

I feel a lot better now

It’s Monday around 11PM and for some reason I feel much better. I’m not as depressed. Quite liberated. I hope I still feel this good. I didn’t do anything in particular. I messaged David Yang from the Taiwan OCAC camp, wrote some stuff here and elsewhere and did some work.

Also, I wrote my thank you letter I am going to give Michelle. I will contact Michelle to see when we will meet so I can properly date the letter. I also need to finalize the long list and print it out.

School started

So I gave Michelle basically a week to decide what she wants to do. I asked her to be my girlfriend because that’s what I want right now. What she decides will be my final answer. If she does not want me, then so be it. I will move on without her being my girlfriend. However, I want her to be my friend. I want to do things with her still. I will contact her tomorrow, Tuesday, on what day we are going to meet.

So far, the ways that I feel better is by looking at other girls or just talking with other people. The other method is being with Michelle. It’s not just having here there, but to have a connection on some level with her. For example, touching her thigh while we talk. She treated me quite cold at the Sunday dinner and I did not like that. I know we are not together, but does she have to treat me like a stranger…. it hurts that I feel absolutely no love from her. She does not seem happy around me.

If Michelle and I don’t work out, I will try to talk to Nancy to see what she has to say. Then talk to Mike if he really knows anything. It seems like Mike is becoming Michelle new best friend and I’m jealous. She keeps hanging out with him and inviting him to things. I feel lonely and left out. I want to hang out too. Or does she not care about me such that she does not think of me at all? I don’t want that to happen.

Can’t Stand My Mom

I find that I really can’t stand my mom. The way she views things and the way she talks is so insulting. Examples..

• Me: How much is the chair?
• Mom: It’s $40.
• Me: It’s not too bad.
• Mom: No, it’s super expensive.
• Me: ( It’s not expensive. Stop talking about money and being so cheap )

Another example:

• Ring Ring. I pick up: Hello
• Mom: gets right into her point.
• Mom: why didn’t you say mom? or 你不會叫我啊! in a accusatory mean tone.
• Me: (you never let me have a chance)

Another example:

Stupid nagging, especially of the obvious.

I’m trying to learn to ignore her and to not react. I don’t understand, but my mom is getting more intolerable.

Mother’s Sleep Timing

My mother just said in a rather accusatory tone, what are you doing? It’s time to sleep because supposedly its best to sleepy by 11PM for the body’s natural healing process. Her mean tone isn’t going to get anyone following her instructions willingly.

Not Happy

I haven’t really been happy since I came back from Taiwan. I am either missing my ex…or my mother comes up with some stupid drama that makes me unhappy. It wouldn’t be so bad if I had my happy person that I could talk to….

Stupid Unsatisfied Mother

Today I decided to share that I purchased a Canon MF4350 multifunction laser printer from Craiglist to my mom. I purchased it for $40 when it sells new for $120. I bought it for 66% off delivered to my home. I can’t believe my mom said it wasn’t cheap enough. She said $20 is a better deal. Ugh… My mother is never satisfied. Money isn’t everything. Being cheap isn’t good if it makes you unhappy. Lower your standard.

And I don’t like showing my mom too much or telling her too much because she will start thinking too much. She will connect two unrelated things and push them all together and comments negatively about it. I hate her negativity.

Asian are Ambitious

I find the Asians at UF are quite ambitious. They take on many leadership role and it looks great on their resumes. Unfortunately, I don’t think many of them are engineers. Also, Asians are quite clingy in their little groups…which makes it harder for others to enter their clique. Why am I not ambitious like them?

It’s over, but not completely over

Despite breaking up, my heart is not dead because I still did not get the chance to discuss our relationship face to face. I still want that opportunity before I let it all go. From there, I will just have to eliminate all memories of her and minimize contact if were aren’t meant to be together.

FB Status as Single

Today, I noticed my ex’s FB status on the Info section is labeled as single. It hurts to see that.

Despite breaking up, we still haven’t talked about it face to face. Until then, I have that little bit of hope that things can get better. It has been about a month since I last saw her in person. She said she wanted space. Optimistically, I want to think that’s all the time she needs. Realistically, I think it is really over. And if it is over, I worry about her college future. She has always relied on me. Can she handle it alone? For me, I will be lonely without her. I will have to find new friends to hang out with, but it won’t be the same.

According to my parents, it more important to get a good education and then a good job. With a successful career, you can easily find any girl you would like. I find the last statement to be false. Not only would I be old, at least 25, but there is significantly less opportunity to meet girls. Fine, then I will make opportunities to meet girls. At work? Mostly old guys with very few Asian girls. The club, not unless you want the relationship to be short and superficial. Taiwanese organizations? There aren’t any young people in it and young people do not really want to join anyway. Any suggestions?

School is Starting Soon

I miss my ex. I don’t know if I should be missing her. We don’t really talk much anymore, except by FB msg once every day. We used to Skype chat and/or webcam everyday, even though it affected my productivity. I miss talking to her and hearing her voice. Part of me wants to blame the failed relationship on my parents, but I ultimately know its my fault.

My parents are racist and don’t accept anyone that is not Taiwanese to be my girlfriend. Therefore, I don’t tell my parents about my girlfriend. I told them lies when I was hanging out with my girlfriend. Apparently that was a bad choice. I became a lier and my girlfriend hated me for hiding her. I’m sorry for making bad choices during the relationship.

Still Thought of the Day

Source: Still Thoughts Volume 2; pg 4

Every day is a new beginning of being a person, and every moment is a time for self-vigilance.