HW Helper Only?

She called again today for Digital Logic help. What else does she call me for? She only uses me recently. The only time she called to hang out was during the first football game where she wanted to roam around Gainesville. Not its just wanting from me. I don’t mind helping people, but in particular I want something from her. I want to at least be her friend. We aren’t acting like friends. She declines my invite to hang out last Friday.

Texas Roadhouse with David and Abe

So David, Abe and I went to Texas Roadhouse to eat dinner because David came up to Gainesville to visit. Being the nice person I am and because David doesn’t have a lot of money and because his mom said I should treat him every now and then I paid for his meal.

Texas Roadhouse environment is very different from I am used to. They have free peanuts and bread. You just put the shell on the floor which I find to be quite interesting. Supposedly its good for the floor. I ordered a chicken Caesar salad because I never order salad. It was pretty good. We also got baby blossom appetizer which is fried onion. It was good.

On the way back, I talked with David.  Essentially all the advice David gives is to find out what I want. Do I want, would like, etc. Michelle back? Basically he is pushing me to get her back. He says she is an great girlfriend that put up with all my crap and that it would be extremely difficult to find another non-Asian girl that is as tolerating as she was. Yes, I would like her back but I have already tried. But according to David, he says to never give up. Beg if I have to. Do I want her back? Yes, I want her back.

David and Hanging Out with Michelle at GatorNights

I talk to David early afternoon. Of all the results, one particular thing stands out. Before Michelle, I was empty and emo talking tone. With Michelle I had energy and was much happier. After Michelle, I am now empty and emo again, but slightly better than before Michelle. What does this mean? Does this mean I need a girl in my life? Or Michelle in my life? Or just need more friends?

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I did not have any plans for Friday because Eddy was busy and Ifti never got back to me. I called Michelle and asked her if she wanted to grab food. She was iffy and said that she might talk with Mike or do something for Joey’s birthday. I was like whatever and did my own plans. I planned on making burritos and watch the Indian comedian at GatorNights.

I went to GatorNights early because I thought it started at 9, but it really started at 9:30. I got some soda and popcorn while waiting. Then I saw that the Green Screen soccer picture line was super short so I went there and got my picture taken. Afterward, I saw Michelle and Jose in line for wristbands. I went up to them. Michelle asked me who I was with and I said I was with myself so I hanged out with them. They wanted to watch Pirates of the Caribbean. Nancy later appeared. I was disappointed that I was not invited and that Jose was. I asked Jose about it and he said he was in the area. But they all came in one car so that confused me. I don’t think they have a think because he is much older. But then he also was invited to their Sunday Dinner. I’m jealous.

So the movie was full so we watched the comedian which was ok…not that great. Then we played Apples to Apples in the game room. I sat next to Michelle and during the game her arm kept brushing against mine. And sometimes her leg was touching mine. It was not the accidental touch of barely a second but more prolonged. I have no clue if that meant anything at all. And during the game, Michelle and I kept winning each other’s cards. Later Michelle drove me home.

What's my goal in life?

I never really had a good goal in life. Basically, my goal before college was to get into college because that was the required roadmap. There was no deviations. Now that I am in college, I don't really have a goal other than to graduate college. I don't have a super strong feeling about working and/or grad school.

But my overall goal that I always had was happiness. I don't think I have achieved it. Happiness at its core is only an emotional state. You can decide to be happy or sad and actually feel that way. You don't have to be emotionally distressed because that guy tripped you. Being optimistic, you will just say it is an accident and move on. However, it's not that simple. People have short tempers, get into arguments and cause chaos in life.

Reflecting back on my previous relationship, I felt that I was happy then. It gave me more motivation. It motivated me to make her happy and to not disappoint her. I did not completely fulfill that goal because we now broke up. I am not happy now... I feel empty and lonely. I hang out with people on the Friday nights and study with people but I wish there was more. Having a girlfriend almost guarantees that you have someone to talk to, cuddle with, have fun, study, dance, hug, eat, do house stuff, etc. It makes it more fun having someone do it with you. However, you have personality conflicts with your girlfriend. But it's ok because you love them so you tolerate it. At the same time, you hope to change them to make them better and you might nag which annoys them. But you did it out of love for them. However, a key thing is to communicate and to not over look small problems. Problems need to be solved, not over looked. Problems with other problems become big problems that cause the whole tower to fall down. Communication is key.

I am still looking for what motivates me and my happiness in life. Having a family seems like a good motivator because you must care and provide for them that already allots most of your remaining life. Your goal in life is set.

What is my goal in life? I'm still looking. What's your goal in life?

Friday with Kristin/Saturday with Ben. lol

On Friday (9/9/2011), I hanged out with Kristin. Kristin and I never really talked or hanged out since we got to know each other. We’ve known each other for about 2 years. Now that I’m single, looking for people to hang out with and needing to catch up with people, I decided to hang out with Kristin.

Arranging the event was a little troublesome. I did it via FB message. Kristin was a little indecisive and flexible which made it hard to schedule a time since I am also indecisive and flexible. I just told her to call me when she got out of class and I just hung out on campus all day since I only had one class.

It was around 4PM and early, but she was hungry so we went to The Swamp since I never been there. The prices were pretty high. I ordered a Friend Green XXX BLT sandwich which cost $10. It was good and it came with a side. I chose sweet potato fries. We talked. Amazingly the parallel between K/D and M/R are quite interesting including location and personality. Talking about M didn’t really go anywhere. According to K, M mainly talked about my family not accepting her. Supposedly it was around Thanksgiving when the it reached the tipping point. I’m not sure if that time coincided with the MicroP time. K was nice saying that if I needed someone to hang out with that I could just call her. I ‘m not going to do that. Maybe once a month, but not often. I need to meet more people. It’s been working OK so far…Eddy, Kristin/Ben…who’s next? Ifti and Yao?

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On Saturday 9/10/2011, TWSA was having a BBQ at Lake Wauburg for the Mid Autumn Festival. It was pretty chaotic and expensive. It cost $10. There was not efficient food. They were BBQing it, but there was so much people that there was no meat for people to eat. There were drinks, chips and salad but that’s not what I paid for. Ben was nice enough to drive me there. I also met Ben’s older brother ChiaMing and his friends Sho and others. Sho was a Japanese student and was pretty cool. I mainly hanged out with him. Ben is an interesting fellow that likes to talk which is good. It interesting hangout out with Taiwanese people. They like to brag slightly and say some basic bad words and they are pervy. Not too bad. There were not many girls that went. Also, they had a raffle and I won 3 boxes of Moon Cakes worth $5 each so I got my money back. I need to distribute them to my friends though. I went canoeing later and then Kyaking. It was fun. I brought my new clip on sunglasses and Disney hat. It was really hot. The event was from 11-3 but we stayed til like 4:XXPM. It was fun. Like always, I did not do much once I got home. We’ll see what I do next week. It should be Green Team for the TN game.

IPPD and Ex

IPPD is more chaotic and busy than I would imagine. First of all, it’s an annoying three hour block. Then there are a bunch of assignments that are not necessarily announced in class. They are posted all over Sakai with multiple assignments due on the same day. Also, our team leader isn’t up to par yet. Sharda doesn’t want to be the leader, but is doing it anyway to pick up the slack. She’s the one worrying the most. I suppose that is a good thing. Working in a group can be challenging since we do not have many free blocks available.

In other news, I missed Michelle’s call about studying somewhere. She also called and we hung out on Saturday. She has been initializing activities with me. Does she miss me? Will we get back together or will we just be friends… I’m still not completely over her yet… Possibilities…

Getting Lost with Michelle

Around 5:50PM today, Michelle called me which was quite surprising. Usually I am the one to call her. She was bored and wanted to get out of the house so she decided to come to my place. She brought her computer, planning to study later but decided she wanted to go on an adventure and get lost in Gainesville.

So we drove around Gainesville. I was a good boy and was not touchy. When we were deciding what to order at Sonny’s, she said I was so indecisive. Which is true. Later when we went to Bed, Bath and Beyond near Oaks Mall. At Bed, Bath, I asked who she went swimming with. She replied “People”. Why won’t she just tell me? Yes, I might be asking a little too much, but it seems like she omitted telling me what she did over summer even when we still were together. I don’t like that feeling of being out of the loop. She’s hiding information from me…. but I do somewhat stalk her. I’ll have to fix the stalking part.

Then we went to Cold Stone on Newberry. I wanted to share, but she wanted to get her own. I assume she just didn’t want to share with me… She didn’t offer me to taste her ice cream either…I suppose that is reserved for couples maybe? But not necessarily.

Michelle seems to get annoyed more easily now than when we were in a relationship. But why? I basically acted more or less the same. Why would I be more annoying? Does her love for me cover my flaws, but when we aren’t it doesn’t? Kinda double standard but understandable.

Once we got back to my place, she used my bathroom. She said she was tired. I walked her to my car. On the walk, I touched her waist a little because I did not have body contact with her all day. She put her stuff in her car and initiated a hug. She end it earlier, but I kept hugging. I don’t know why, but her hug does not feel as comfortable as it once was when we were together. We didn’t really hug when we were in a relationship. We cuddled more. I feel that the car door closed before I was done wishing her a safe drive home…I didn’t like that. Now I miss her and feel a little depressed.

Although on occasion, Michelle does IM on Facebook. It’s a confusing relationship that supposedly time will solve. A part of me keeps wishing we will get back together….but I know it’s unlikely to happen.

What I want to buy (Fall 2011)

New SSD 120GB or greater ($200+)

A more power ultraportable. My netbook is so weak, despite the great battery life.

A large LCD TV at least 22” to use as a TV and monitor.

I don’t think I really want much. I have almost everything I need.

Health and Michelle’s Independence

I went to Green Team today for the first shift, 9AM-11AM. It was boring because there was not enough tailgaters. We were in a group of 4. 2 of which already knew each other. The other girl didn’t know the other, but I really had nothing to keep a conversation going. I felt kinda bad for her because she was essentially quiet the whole time. Everyone in my group was Golden Key. Maybe I should join their group.

I was surprised that Michelle reinstalled Windows herself. I’m proud. Although there are some driver issues with it. Also, she’s not sure if the battery or the charger is broken. She also need to install MS Office. She intended to buy it legally from the book store. I’m not going to help Michelle unless she asks me to fix it. I’m no longer her boyfriend and will not fix it automatically for her. She wants to be more independent, and that’s what she will get even though I have an urge to help her.

Hanging out with Eddy

Today is the first official Friday hangout out without my ex girlfriend. I hanged out with Eddy. He drove his nice red Mitsubishi. We went to Tasty Buddha which was kinda ghetto. I got the house curry which was expensive, around $10. It tasted good. Then we went to see Xmen. It was really good. It told the beginning story about Xmen which I never knew. However, watching the movie reminded me of Michelle. I wanted to hold someone’s hand… I also wonder what Michelle is doing. I still miss her. She doesn’t really talk to me much.

Nervous when Socializing

It’s annoying.

When I was with Michelle, I didn’t feel awkward when calling her or wanted to call her. I just did it. Now that we broke up, I get a little nervous. Why does it have to become like this? And Michelle does not talk to me really unless she needs something. What did we talk about when we were together? Who did more talking? Sigh.

Now I want to call Eddy and I am a little nervous. I need to socialize more.

My Ideal Girl 2011

• Beautiful
• Long, straight hair
• Taiwanese American aka Americanized
• At least 5 ft
• Slim body
• Any boob size
• Not a picky eater
• Eats seafood
• Can cook
• No too religious
• My age or younger
• Makes me happy
• Fun to be around
• Playful
• Likes to do fun, exciting things
• Not too wild; doesn’t party all the time.
• Enthusiastic
• Optimistic
• Life on her own/Independent
• Can take care of themselve
• Modest Clothing
• Sexy without being trampy
• Does not wear makeup regularly
• Willing to have sex
• Good temper
• Loves me
• Wants kids
• Not superficial
• Not overly into princess type drama